Question #1:
What do you think is the best way to give a cat a pill?
Here is my system.1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrive cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, dring glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retriev cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetnus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind
tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from
shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to casualty; sit quietly while
doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from
right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
Mick....turn the cat the other wey roon.
Question #2:
Do you know the best way to give a cat a pill?
Here is my system.1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrive cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, dring glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retriev cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetnus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind
tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from
shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to casualty; sit quietly while
doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from
right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
Question #3:
What have we to gain/learn from the following hadith?
Bukhari :: Book 2 :: Volume 23 :: Hadith 468Narrated Samura bin Jundab:
Whenever the Prophet finished the (morning) prayer, he would face us and ask, "Who amongst you had a dream last night?" So if anyone had seen a dream he would narrate it. The Prophet would say: "Ma sha'a-llah" (An Arabic maxim meaning literally, 'What Allah wished,' and it indicates a good omen.) One day, he asked us whether anyone of us had seen a dream. We replied in the negative. The Prophet said, "But I had seen (a dream) last night that two men came to me, caught hold of my hands, and took me to the Sacred Land (Jerusalem). There, I saw a person sitting and another standing with an iron hook in his hand pushing it inside the mouth of the former till it reached the jaw-bone, and then tore off one side of his cheek, and then did the same with the other side; in the mean-time the first side of his cheek became normal again and then he repeated the same operation again. I said, 'What is this?' They told me to proceed on and we went on till we came to a man Lying flat on his back, and another man standing at his head carrying a stone or a piece of rock, and crushing the head of the Lying man, with that stone. Whenever he struck him, the stone rolled away.
The man went to pick it up and by the time he returned to him, the crushed head had returned to its normal state and the man came back and struck him again (and so on). I said, 'Who is this?' They told me to proceed on; so we proceeded on and passed by a hole like an oven; with a narrow top and wide bottom, and the fire was kindling underneath that hole. Whenever the fire-flame went up, the people were lifted up to such an extent that they about to get out of it, and whenever the fire got quieter, the people went down into it, and there were naked men and women in it. I said, 'Who is this?' They told me to proceed on. So we proceeded on till we reached a river of blood and a man was in it, and another man was standing at its bank with stones in front of him, facing the man standing in the river. Whenever the man in the river wanted to come out, the other one threw a stone in his mouth and caused him to retreat to his original position; and so whenever he wanted to come out the other would throw a stone in his mouth, and he would retreat to his original position. I asked, 'What is this?' They told me to proceed on and we did so till we reached a well-flourished green garden having a huge tree and near its root was sitting an old man with some children. (I saw) Another man near the tree with fire in front of him and he was kindling it up. Then they (i.e. my two companions) made me climb up the tree and made me enter a house, better than which I have ever seen. In it were some old men and young men, women and children.
Then they took me out of this house and made me climb up the tree and made me enter another house that was better and superior (to the first) containing old and young people. I said to them (i.e. my two companions), 'You have made me ramble all the night. Tell me all about that I have seen.' They said, 'Yes. As for the one whose cheek you saw being torn away, he was a liar and he used to tell lies, and the people would report those lies on his authority till they spread all over the world. So, he will be punished like that till the Day of Resurrection.
The one whose head you saw being crushed is the one whom Allah had given the knowledge of Quran (i.e. knowing it by heart) but he used to sleep at night (i.e. he did not recite it then) and did not use to act upon it (i.e. upon its orders etc.) by day; and so this punishment will go on till the Day of Resurrection. And those you saw in the hole (like oven) were adulterers (those men and women who commit illegal sexual intercourse).
And those you saw in the river of blood were those dealing in Riba (usury). And the old man who was sitting at the base of the tree was Abraham and the little children around him were the offspring of the people. And the one who was kindling the fire was Malik, the gate-keeper of the Hell-fire. And the first house in which you have gone was the house of the common believers, and the second house was of the martyrs. I am Gabriel and this is Michael. Raise your head.' I raised my head and saw a thing like a cloud over me. They said, 'That is your place.' I said, 'Let me enter my place.' They said, 'You still have some life which you have not yet completed, and when you complete (that remaining portion of your life) you will then enter your place.' "
Assalam o Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, and Jazakallah for reading this far.
Also Thanks for your precious time.
Question #4:
Opinions on this beginning of a novel I've written?
I recently came across something I wrote a while ago. I'd really appreciate your feedback and any compliments and/or constructive criticism.Here it is:
The promise of summer hung in the humid air, like a reminder of Daisy's childhood and a clue of what was yet to come. The deep voices of her neighbours drifted up towards her window, accompanied by the drone of a lawn mower. She stared blankly at the television screen, anonymous bodies dancing across it, music blaring from their mouths. She had been doing this for a long time now. Staring at the writhing, faceless bodies, mascara rimming her empty eyes. All dressed up with nowhere to go.
Summer may have injected everyone else with hope and excitement, and it had to Daisy once, but now it failed it's attempts at making her feel anything. She checked the time on her battered Motorola. 12.32. How long had she been sitting in this position? She couldn't remember. She clicked the 'social networks' button, logged onto Facebook, scanned her striking eyes over the words on the page. Messages - 0.
Without warning, her head fell into her hands, hot, salty tears running down the contours of her face. Shoulders heaving, breath quickening, she felt the hopelessness weigh over her until she was aware of nothing but the high-pitched wail emenating from her throat. Fingers fumbling on the carpeted floor, she locked her tiny hands around the bright blue pin that lay there. In one swift move, it was emmersed in the transparent skin covering the underside of her left wrist.
The pain spread through Daisy's entire body, followed by an overpowering sense of calm. Breathing slowed, wailing stopped, she smiled peacefully and tipped her head back against the cold wall.
--------------------------------------
One glance in the makeup-stained mirror confirmed Daisy's expectations. She was a mess. Traces of black mascara ran down from bloodshot eyes over puffy red skin. Despite this, she was perfectly aware she was beautiful. She wished it was enough.
She sighed and shrugged her shoulders at her appearance, before running down the stairs and into the traditional kitchen. At a sickeningly quick pace, her eyes moved over the bottles on the wooden shelves, lingered on a deep red wine. She clasped her fingers around it's glass body, inspected the label, sniffed the opening. Without thinking, she gulped it down, feeling the hot liquid glide down her raw throat. Her fair-skinned face contorted into a grimace. She fucking hated wine.
She walked into the garden, feeling out of place amidst the sunny optimism that surrounded her. Grass green, sky blue. Sun shining, birds chirping. She willed the atmosphere to make her feel all right again. It didn't. Her thought were cloudy from the pain and the wine. Good.
_______________________________
Daisy Jones didn't know when she had come to be this way. She remembered times when she had been a different person. Nine years old and running through hidden woods. Reading poems allowed in class at seven. Playing with the neighbourhood children in the mismatched garden belonging to her old house.
Things were different now. Sometimes in the morning she found it hard to breathe. Sometimes she'd be in the middle of something when she'd stop and think, What am I doing? Why am I here? Sometimes she'd try to remember the last time she'd been trulycontent and get angry with herself when she didn't know.
That's all I've written so far, what are your thoughts? Answers will be greatly appreciated.
Question #5:
Will my dog forgive me?
I kind of allready know the answer to this, because she is lying next to me and her whole body is completely relaxed as if nothing ever happened. But I sooo need to just express what just happened I cant just keep it to myself.I live in a comunity apartment building and there are cats in the shared enclosed garden and play area and for a long time I've been strict with my dog teaching it to show humility, tranquility and kindness towards the kittens. Every time she gets that "prey-drive-mode" where she looks like she is ready to chase them and bark and make such a comotion, I lay her down on her side, make her submiss to me (in a very easy gentle but direct way) and sometimes I will talk strict, stern, not loud and agressive, but just showing that I dislike her last behaviour.
She understands it, and it works, but she just forgets it from time to time and might get caught up or bored or whatever and try to create a commotion with the cats again when she has nothing else to do. She generally gets a LOT of excersise by the way, she might even be spoiled with the amount of excersise and play, but there are hours throughout the day with nothing gpoing on because I,m working.
Anyway, today the kittens were meowing outside of my door... it seems like they have learned that I manage to keep the dog under controll and feel safe around the dog as long as I am there to keep things in check.
I gave it a few thoughts back and forth and thought, this might be an opertunity to further the discipline of teaching my dog to be completely relaxed and submissive around the cats. So I lay the dog down on it's side (she knew the drill and did it quite nice), and the cats came in and sniffed around etc etc.
My ideal idea was:
that when the cats got comfortable enough they would sit right by my dog, and I would give my dog the signal and she could lie on her belly normally and relaxed or sit relaxed and allowing the co-existance to just happen and be. And voila, you got harmonic co-existance! From now on until forever! Well... this was my hope and idea, but this is not how it went down.
What happened was the kittens were sniffing around for about 5 minutes and I focused less and less on my dog becuase it was more and more aparrent that she was lying relaxed and submissive, so I was paying ore attention to the cats and keeping them away from my dogs food. At this one point, when I was holding both of them, I dont remember why I was holding them, but they FREAKED OUT hissing and fitting and clawing my arms up... I turned around and saw my dog had completely given up on being submissive and sat in a semi-pounce position.
I LOST IT!!! I couldnt even grasp myself that's how quickly I lost it. I still dont remember everything that happened, but I think the feeling was: "my dog still doesnt think I am serious about anything and takes me as a joke"
She usually gets me, I am stern but fair and a deserving loving leader... but still, she obviously doesn take my commands completely serious.
So... here is what I account from what happened, giving it to you in slow motion with all the details. I grabbed the dog and shook her in the air screaming, I threw her (not REALLY hard, but with impact, but not bone shattering or even close) on the ground from a kneeled position, slapped her on the side of her head two times, screamed some more, lifted her, shook her, slapped in her on the side of the head (the slappings were with impact, firm, but not HARD) I then dipped her snout into her bowl of water for a very quick split second, threw her onto the ground again and slid her firmly and hard back and forth on the floor (just a primal aggressive display of strength and frustration I suppose), i turned her head to me and shouted in her face, even showing teeth like an animal and growling, I lay her hard on the ground, slapped her stomouch - with about the same strength you would swat a fly - about two-three times... and then I finally let it go...
I got myself together and thought what the fuck am I doing, I was shaking... but my dog was definitely shaking, almost spastic.... not like crazy spastic, but obviously in shock, eyes wide open, tail between her leg and shaking every now and then... obviously not knowing what to do.
Fuck, so I thought, the worst thing you can do is flood a bunch of apologetic energy on her now, but I have to control the situationa nd get stuff on the right foot again.
I let her lie and shake for a while, becuase she obviously had to just GO THROUGH what just happened, let her brain just kind of digest it and go through it, while I was tiding up bits and pieced of a mess in the room. Every now and then I would go up to her, not baby her, because that's the worst thing you can do to a dog in a state of shock, but just go up to her, talk a bit in my true sorry but collected tone of voice, just touch her randomnly with affection without stroking too mu
Question #6:
How can I determine if I'm being needy?
My wife and I had an argument this week. In this argument she said that I'm needy. My response was, "I've been starving for attention, sex, and time for so long; I'm allowed."My wife's first response to almost any request is NO. If I ask her to put on something sexy, cook dinner, spend time with me, etc. Her first response is NO or some excuse that means no. For example, I had free tickets to last night's Dodger game. I asked my wife to come and she said she couldn't because my step-daughter had soccer practice. I later called back, and asked "can't she miss one practice?"
Some request take years at time to get & it becomes a situation where I feel that she is taking advantage of my patience. I asked her to wear lingerie. Her first excuse was that she didn't have any that fit. Then I asked her to buy some. She said she didn't have extra money. Then I bought some for her. She said it was ugly. I bought more, then she would say she was too tired at the end of the night to put it on. At one point I was ready to leave the marriage, so she agreed to start wearing lingerie. Then that makes me come off as if I'm going to leave my wife over freakin lingerie and it is so much more deeper than that. I am bored and unfulfilled sexually. My wife will come to bed, say screw me...and once she gets hers, she barely tolerates me long enough to get mine. I get no affection, no communication, just a wham baam. I fully expect to find a $20 on the pillow when I wake up in the morning.
This is just one issue, but they all play out the same way. When I ask my wife to cook for ME, I get the same run around. She'll cook for the kids, but I'm lucky if there is food left over for me when I get home. When I cook for her, she gets her plate first...even if I have to bring it to her in bed.
When I ask for her to spend more time with me, I get the run around as well. Between her job (teacher), the kids's sports, PTA, gardening, crafts, quilt making, etc, I'm sitting alone all night and by myself on weekends. I have two other kids from a previous relationship. I coach them in sports & spend time with them. I just finished grad school, and I work 50 hours a week...and even with my busy schedule...how could she be more busy than me???
I want to respect my wife's position that I'm being too needy; however, how can I determine if it is a legitimate complaint or just BS?
The first responses missed the major part of what I'm saying. I HAVE BEEN PATIENT and have had to wait for OVER A YEAR for most of the things I asked. For the person who said that I'm a bit controlling. I asked my wife to wear something sexy...and WAITED A YEAR to get it...after getting to a point where I was sick of waiting for ALL my request.
Question #7:
Really funny. Read all the way through, its worth it.?
How To Give A Cat A Pill1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to
close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand, force jaws open and push pill to back of
mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for
gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove
blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply
cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus
shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another
shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the insane cat from across the
road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning
gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of
filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints
of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat and call local
pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air
Question #8:
Do you know how to give your cat a pill?
INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
6. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
8. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
9. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
10. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
11. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
12. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
13. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
14. Arrange for vet to make a housecall.
Did you silly people that are taking this question seriously not notice that this is a JOKE?
Question #9:
I think my neighbour is raping his 8 year old daughter and turning her sex crazyed!?
Hey my name is Chloe and I am 14 and yes I am a girl.Well my neighbour is about 28 and he divorced his wife becuase apparently she was pregnant (with their second child) and admitted she cheated on him and then she was also in a car crash and lost the baby and almost lost her life and he was stressed and didnt want to deal with her anymore and divorced her on what could have been her death bed!
We let her stay at our house and she is really good now, she finally got an internship as a pharmacist and she is staying at her sisters condo, next week she will become a real pharmacist at Walmart and make 45$ an hour and she is planning on buying a house down our street so she can be close to her daughter which is living with our neighbour which is her daughters father.
The daughters name is Keesha and yes the are white, sorry people always assume someone named Keesha is black, well maybe 3 or 4 months ago I was in my backyard and I was reading and I was also gardening and I was planting some roses near the fence, and I peeked through the fence and I saw Keesha sitting on her dads lap and he was like bouncing her up and down, it did look sexual but of course lots of fathers do this as like play for the girl, not sexual just fun and I thought nothing of it.
Also it was Keesha's birthday and I baby sit her sometimes and I bought her a toy she wanted sooo bad and it is like a small cooking kit and omg whens he was playing with it in her room I was helping her assemble it and she took a pointy part and started like masturbating and I researched and read some kids to masturbate and I was like what are you doing and she was like it feels good or whatever.
I was sooo shocked but I didnt tell her father. Also sometimes in the morning I hear like weeping moans coming from their backyard like a coooo oooo ooo owww ooo owwooo and I thought this was very odd
OOO yeah one tiem me and my cousin were baby sittign Keesha and my cousin took her to the bathroom to brush and Keesha used the bathroom too and my cousin said that she thinks she has a rash or something because her vagina looked very very red and it was like OPEN unlike others which are closed a lot it just looked stretched open a bit and Keesha was scratching!!!
Omg I think her father is raping her and turning her sex crazy becuase she figured out how she can get that feeling using toys and scratching and she does it alot!
Sometimes when she is riding her bicycle she like wiggles herself on the seat in a sexual position.
Question #10:
Is there anything wrong with my Resume?
I'm not getting any responses to the Emails I have been sending for jobs through Craigslist. I know the market is BAD but I just want to make sure that my resume is okay, and its not turning off employers.Here is the Email I send to potential jobs.
Hello,
I am responding to the ad on Craigslist. I feel my experience makes me a qualified candidate for this position, and I would love an opportunity to interview. I am a very reliable worker, and I have alot of drive to succeed. I am determined to find a position that I can keep long term, and I feel I would be a great asset to your company. My salary requirements are $15 an hour, but are negotiable depending on the position. I look forward to your call, and thank you for reviewing my response. I have pasted a resume below for your review.
Best Regards,
Amanda M****
Amanda M*****
123456 W. Cerritos Ave |Anaheim, Ca | (714)
Objective
Seeking an office position in a growing, fast paced and friendly environment. I would like to utilize my strong organizational and time management skills. I enjoy either working in a small office where I have the opportunity to learn most if not all aspects of that business. Or in a large office where I have the opportunity to show my skills and dedication, and prove that I am a great candidate for advancement. I pride myself in taking great knowledge in my job, and I learn as much as I can about the business I am working for, so that I am a valuable asset.
Skills Profile
- Microsoft Office, including Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and Outlook.
- QuickBooks.
- Knowledge of Internet.
- Ability to handle multiple tasks.
- Ordering office supplies.
- Accounts Payable, Accounts Receivable, Billing, Invoicing, Payroll, Collections Petty Cash.
- Knowledgeable in office procedures and office machines.
Employment History
Bartender
10/2008 - 09/2008 Malone's Bar & Grill Santa Ana, Ca
Starting Pay: $8.50 Ending Pay: $8.50
- Serve drinks and food to all patrons.
- Manage cash register accurately.
- Provide excellent customer service, and maintain all aspects of the bar from cleaning and stocking to answering the phone and booking bands and entertainment.
Office Manager
06/2008 – 10/2008 Hired Gun Exterminating Garden Grove, Ca
Starting Pay: $15.00 Ending Pay: $15.00
- Sit in Office Manager while permanent Manager was on medical leave.
- Answer phones, and schedule and dispatch all pest control jobs.
- Enter all termite reports and mail reports to customers.
- Receive and enter payments for jobs and yearly control policies. Bill customers for yearly controls and occasionally for termite jobs.
Office Manager
01/2006 – 03/2008 Super Dave’s Print & Mail Santa Ana, Ca
Starting Pay: $13.00 Ending Pay: $16.00
- Input all A/P and A/R, and pay all invoices in a timely manner.
- Payroll for 10 employees through ADP.
- Maintained account with Health, Life, and 401k companies.
- Schedule and dispatch drivers and make sure route is most time efficient.
- Sent statements once a month to customers.
- Schedule tasks and meetings for all office employees.
- Answered 4-line phone, maintained high standard of customer service when speaking to all customers, including remembering customer’s names and order history.
- Kept close track of job scheduling, ensuring that no jobs were forgotten, and completed as scheduled and on time.
- Use QuickBooks for accounting and PRINTLeader software for all job management.
- General office duties included: Bank deposits, ordering office supplies, handle customer transactions, took credit card payments, manage reception desk, and all other general office duties.
Administrative Assistant
02/2005 – 01/2006 HCS Cutler, Inc. Rancho Cucamonga , Ca
Starting Pay: $11.50 Ending Pay: $13.50
- Managed and logged cash reports printed from registers at 8 different locations.
- Managed all bank deposits ensuring timeliness and accuracy as well as reconcile monthly statements.
- Investigated and resolved and credit card disputes that were filed..
- Managed a fleet of 60 vehicles, including class A, B, and C trucks.
- Completed any necessary paperwork for CA DMV.
- Handled all car insurance needs, including: Filing auto accident claims, filling out accident reports, adding and deleting drivers and vehicles to the policy, and following through with adjusters to make sure claims were handled properly.
Office Manager
10/2002 – 02/2005 Telcom Services Riverside , Ca
Starting Pay: $7.00 Ending Pay: $9.00
- Maintained data logs
Question #11:
OMG you HAVE to read this, THis is the BEST story EVA!!!?
Hi, sorry about the title, but i had to get your attention didn't i???i mean, last time i posted a similar question i got no responses
so here goes,
what do you think of my story, i know there is a million questions asking this, but i really need opinions.
by the way i'm 13
here it is...
Our house sat on the very middle of a huge hill, our property stretched on at about a 50metre radius from our house. Our house was old, one of the houses you might have recognised if you came from the year 2000. It was a 2-storey weatherboard farmhouse. The curtains of the smallest upstairs bedroom were hanging out the window letting the wind blow them across till they almost touched the end of the house. I looked back at it, then on towards the small wooden garden shed down the path.
As I neared my destination I heard shuffling footsteps and whispers coming from the shed. I rapped the secret knock,.
The door swung open and the grinning face of my best friend, Jasmine, greeted me, I walked in and took my position on top of an old suitcase. Her twin brother Spencer was sitting cross-legged on a bag of fertiliser, flipping through a Car magazine and Sam was reclining against the wall , his dark chocolate brown hair blowing around from the breeze, making its way through a gap between 2 boards behind him
“Hey Spence, chuck us an oreo?”
Spencer rummaged in a decorated wooden box (Jaz and I made it in woodwork at school)) we kept hidden under a loose floorboard. He found the packet of Oreos amoungst goodies and quite forcefully threw me one, I wasn’t quite expecting it, and it hit me in the face, it was only a biscuit, but Spencer looked shocked that he’d hurt me.
“It’s ok Spence, I’m a bad catch” seeing his confused look I corrected myself “ I’m not very good at catching”
He didn’t reply, he was always shy when we all met up. Jaz smiled at me as though to say, he’ll be right. I knew he would, there’d been a million other awkward moments like these, I guess that’s what’s to be expected when your best friends brother has aspergers, specially when he fancies you.
“Where’s Toby??” I asked quizzically
“He had soccer practice” Sam answered
“Oh” I sighed, looking up out the windows onto the rolling hills, covered in towering skyscrapers and towers, which stretched on as far as I could see.
“So what’s up Jaz? I’ve gotta get back soon, mum and dad are going out and I have to look after Meg”
“uhh Liv?” Jaz said slowly, looking rather awkward
“What?” I replied, sensing something was wrong
“We’re moving”
My heart sunk, I thought it would sink down to my feet, my first best friend, my only best friend, was moving.
“Its only an hour away, you can come and visit in the hollidays and on the weekends, and I can come and visit you” Jaz added, moving towards me
“Why?” was all I could manage to choke out, tears streaming down my red face
“Well Dads a Space engineer, he got a job working on the new space crafts they’re designing, you know to take us to Mars”
I took a deep breath, I knew Mr Makenzie had a very important job, I knew that they had to design spacecrafts that could take people to mars, I knew earth was almost polluted beyond repair.
After a while I calmed down.
“I’ve gotta go” I told them and closed the door quietly behind me, I didn’t have the strength to slam it, despite the sadness and anger that was making me tremble from head to toe.
I walked back up the paved path to the house and saw my sister playing in the yard, she was 6 and people said, if we were the same age we’d have looked like twins, we had the same wavy dark brown hair, the same piercing blue eyes, even the same dimples when we smiled.
I swung the kitchen door open and found mum and Dad reading a letter at the bench. I looked over Dads shoulder and read the words that would change my life for ever.
I do have a plot planned out, this is only the first page, i have written more, but in my opinion its not as good.
I know there is another Q exactly the same as this, but nobody answered it, did they?? i needed a more catchy title
Well i am almost 14, but still,
also thanx everyone for answering, i guess a catchy title is all it takes!!
Question #12:
Dream about my child dying at my hands?
I keep having this recurring dream. I have had it for years on and of and the details never change.It starts off with me and my daughter who is about 2 in the dream (she is 13 now) out for a walk in our local town centre, suddenly the sky goes very dark and traffic and people stop to look up. There are huge flying saucers taking up position in the sky above us (sounds stupid I know but bear with me), I start to panic and start heading for home immediately, I try calling my partner on the way and can't get through as there is no service, I am panicking the whole time and trying to reassure my daughter who can sense my distress, about half way home, the 'aliens' start blowing things up and I panic even more, I head for my parents home as it is closer and as I reach it I see my Mum, Step-dad, brother and sister running out of the house screaming to me to get to my flat it will be safer there, so all of us start running to my flat. The streets are full of people panicking and the sounds of things exploding and people dying. We reach my flat and I get us inside. We turn the tv on and the news is saying that they don't know where these 'flying saucers' have come from, no sattelites pick up their approach etc. As we watch the news it becomes clear that the sole purpose of their invasion is the complete annihilation of the human race, my Step-dad and brother decide to try and get to my partner who we think is in work, so they leave. I don't see them again in my dream. My mum, sister me and my daughter are in the house, I am close to hysterics,as we can see smaller UFO's appearing frequently both outside our windows and on the tv. I am sitting with her on my knee rocking her gently and she is nearly sleeping, my mum and sister decide to run for it and get to what some on the TV are calling 'safe zones' I am too afraid to leave incase my partner etc get home and don't where we are. I elect to stay and keep my daughter with me, as I watch my mother and sister running away they are hit and killed by the UFO just above my flats, people are running and screaming in the streets and then I see on the TV that the 'aliens' are kidnapping people. I can't take it anymore, I decide the best thing to do would be for me and daughter to go to sleep and not wake up. I am at this stage crying as I know what I have to do but I'm not sure I can do it. I head to the bathroom and get some sleeping tablets. I know I can't kill her by my hands but I will make sure that neither of us will be taken and hurt, for some reason I decide that I should do this out in our garden, I make a game of it, taking her out to look at the big things in the sky and giving her some 'sweets', eventually she falls asleep, I watch her, cradling her, rocking her until I know she isn't breathing anymore and in between the sobs I am making I start taking the remaining tablets, but I always wake up before they take effect.
When I do wake up I am always crying and shaking and I have to go in and make sure my daughter is okay. I have this dream at least once or twice a year and have had since she was about 2. Can anyone tell me what this dream means?
Question #13:
o2 Mobile broadband question?
Hi,I have an o2 broadband modem and am having trouble getting a decent signal in my home. I am only about 1.5km away from an o2 mast. If I go out into the back garden the High Speed signal strength fluctuates from 1 bar to 4 bars (out of 5 bars) depending on position. When I'm in the house itself, I cannot get a High Speed signal in any of the rooms bar the front sitting room when the device is placed on the windowsill I get a 2 or 3 bar High Speed signal. If I go out to the front of the house, I get a 1, 2 or 3 bar High Speed signal.
As I am very very rarely getting a full 5bar high speed signal and the signal is fluctuating from one point to another throughout the home (be it by moving the device a distance of a foot or so), I am not entirely content with this device as to the reliability of the high speed signal if I was to enter into a contract with o2 for mobile broadband.
So, I am wondering, If I was to place the device close to the rooftop in a perspex-sealed box, (and use a usb extension cable which will run into a 3G router in the house so multiple people can access the internet simultaneously) would it be likely that the signal would be close to 100%.
Also, I am curious as to whether the strength of the high speed signal dictates the speed of access. In other words, will I get a better speed of data transmission if i have a 4 bar highspeed signal than if I had a 1 bar high speed signal?
One final question.... Does atmospherics have any influence on the signal strength? (why I ask is that if i can only get a 1 bar high speed signal, the risk of it dropping to an EDGE connection is very high)
Thanks
Dan
I cannot get fixed line broadband as it is not available in my area. Hence, thats why I am enquiring about using mobile broadband as an alternative.
Question #14:
How do I deal with a completely volatile and irrational sister-in-law?
Here's the background:I've been with my wife now for five years -- married for one. I get on exceptionally well with her family, and vice-versa. The only issue is with one of my sister-in-laws, she is unlike any other member of the family in that she is rude, intollerant, volatile, loud, and appears to have few social boundaries. She is exceptionally rude to family members -- particularly her parents -- and treats them as though she were the only rational voice in the room. When addressing any of her failings, even in the lightest terms, she becomes verbally abusive and uncontrollable. What makes this worse is that she will NEVER back down in an argument or listen to the opinions of others, instead escalating the argument to a screaming match until the other person gives in.
Six years ago (at age 15) she fell pregnant by a man much older than her and, despite his apparent good intentions, shortly after he emigrated and left her and the baby. Within a year she visited him for a short holiday in his home country and again fell pregant. He has never seen the second child.
Until recently she has been very aimiable with me, we got on quite well and I often help out looking after the children or helping out with errands. Lately, though, she has started acting towards me the same way she has been treating the rest of her family. She has flared up over ridiculously insignificant things. For instance, when I was baby sitting recently so that she could go out for a meal with her friends one of the children smashed small garden ornament. Instead of saying "oh dear", she blew up over it, didn't thank me for looking after and feeding her children (at my expense), and proceeded to ignore me and my partner for approximately a month. Another recent incident occured when I was colouring in with her daughter. We were happily working away and started to draw funny faces on the people in the book. On seeing this she accused me of being irresponsible and stared me down which I ignored.
Her moods swings have caused no end of friction. Her father has recently been diagnosed with severe depression which we believe was as a direct result her volatility. Any family event becomes stressful and usually results in an argument of some sort.
It's not that she has to always be the centre of attention, although that is the usual result, but she, or her children, always have to appear to be bettering anyone around her. At Christmas everyone has to agree that she has receieved the best gifts, and if they don't people are pressured into exchanging with her. When we are around people outside of the family she will make small comments which suggest that she is in a far more stable position than she actually is.
She also shows no appreciation for any of the support she receives as a single mother on benefits. My other sister recently took her and her children on a two week holiday, paying for everything. She repaid this with arguments and a reluctance to do any chores to look after the children. Bundles of money are sent her way by family members in the form of clothes for the children, food, and loans to pay off bills. She is terrible with money and relies on handouts, and argues that she cannot pay back money she has borrowed despite often eating out at lunchtime and buying crap from charity shops.
It feels as though she is trying to find as many reasons as possible to kick up dirt on me while trying to come across as the responsible parent. Luckliy all of her family are fully aware of her temperament and just ignore it.
Coming up to date: my wife and I are now expecting our first child, and I am now very conscious that I do not want to expose my baby to this kind of irrationality.
What is the best way to deal with this? We intend (not provoked by this problem) to move away from the area in the next couple of years. But unlike the rest of her family I'm not going to just ignore this and pretend it isn't happening -- especially with our first child on the way.
Question #15:
struggling to teach our three legged dog to sit... can you help?
I know its early days and we havent had little meisie long (just over a week) We got her from a rescue centre and think she is about 7 months. we have taught her her name, she understands 'got to your bed' and comes when you call her name (dont think she really undrestands 'come' though yet but we are working on it. i want to teach her how to sit but she doesnt seem to like the 'sitting' position. She tends to lye down more than anything.I have done some research on the internet and all sites say to raise the treat near her nose and apply pressure to her bottom/lower back. Meisie just swings her bottom round and with the way she stands (back leg further out to gain balance) it doesnt really force her to sit down. she doesnt seem to like it at all. is this normal or is she just being a little stubborn?
I dont mind skipping the sit stage and getting her to lie down but this doesnt work that well at the side of the road as she is not alert enough to move forward when it is safe to cross so would end up taking us forever to cross.
Any ideas?
Also still struggling when out on walks. she doesnt ever pull....she stops all the time (about every 5 paces when shes at her worse) She doesnt respnd to treats and if you bend down to fuss her she comes to you but then still wont walk again when you try to move forward again. I normally give in and think that she is only behaving this way because she is tired BUT now i know shes not as she always gets back and goes loopy loo in the garden.
Also she doesnt like going outside when its raining, which makes it difficult to make her go poopy time!!! she tends to hold it until either it stops or until she cant hold it any longer. ive tried putting her rain coat on but i have no other ideas other than us building her an undercover bathroom outside, which may be a little too costly!!
Know i filled this with questions but any help would be greatly appreciated. we love our special little girl and dont want to treat her any different to a dog with four legs. (apart from giving her a little more love and cuddles!)
she doesnt go up stairs, its far to dangerous for her and i really dont think she would even attempt it if she could get over the baby gate.
she also gets help whenever she seems to struggle with steps and she still sits on my knee when in the car (until she gets used to it)
I dont want to 'mother' her too much though
its a back leg.
Thank you all for your answers... hard to choose a best answer as you have all helped.
She is a special little girl and i have so much patience with her. We have got the rest of her life to perfect everything, just so pleased we got her!
she already goes wee wees and poopys outside when its dry out or when its wet she comes out with me... just want her to go out on her own when its wet as im messing up my hair!!! hehehe.
Question #16:
What is the legitimacy of Vector Marketing's Cutco "Sales Rep" position?
Hello, my name is Adriana.Immediately following my high school graduation, I received a flyer for Vector Marketing, so I figured I would give it a shot, and being that I plan on majoring in Fashion Merchandising in college, it seemed like a very solid fit, and so I was pleased with the opportunity.
Now, please excuse me, for I tend to be very, very long-winded, but I want to be as concise as possible.
I set up an interview and eventually found myself sitting in a room with about 10 other individuals shooting for the same "Sales Rep" job with Vector Marketing. I was excited, at first, because I had no idea what the job entailed or what I would be selling. However, very quickly, I learned that I would potentially be selling kitchen knives, utensils, garden tools, etc. Shocking. Interesting...
The "instructor", per se, walked us through a demo of a majority of the Cutco products. The shears cut a penny, a knife cut a rope, and another knife cut a piece of leather. Fantastic.
I was very antsy about the job from the beginning, because I saw a handful of imbeciles who were asked to stay for the second part of the interview. And so I began to think that something was askew, especially since the instructor was boasting about how only the "best of the best" get hired.
Well, the instructor rambled on for a good two hours. I went home, and got a call saying that I got a job. Hoorah? I guess. I wrote down the days for my training, and when those days came, I had no idea what I was in for.
I was actually mildly impressed by the Cutco products, surprisingly. But I kept a level head the entire time, and tried not to build any of the products up too much. I realized that there was something amiss when the instructor asked for pennies made after 1987 because the new pennies were "easier to cut" because of the copper addition. And when he asked everyone to bring in a credit card/debit card/check/money order/payment plan/loan for the demo kit, totaling in the amount of $144, I became extremely skeptical.
Now, I'm all for working hard and doing my best to achieve success, but this job in its entirety seems like a pile of rubbish and garbage. It seems to be a very sneaky and nonchalant scam, and I feel disappointed that I spent a combined 11 hours over two days training for the job learning about knives.
I kept coming back, though, after hearing the stories of sales reps who had made thousands of dollars in income, and actually getting to meet them and converse with them and even knowing a few of them as alumni of my high school gave me some genuine form of justice.
However, I'm not quite sure about it.
It seems like a scam.
It also seems like it's slightly real.
It should also be mentioned that the instructors/managers are very quick to praise a sales rep in training for doing something that isn't even remotely worthy of praise. They shower everyone in praise for filling in a blank word in a sentence, or answering a question correctly that has an infinite amount of answers. Also, their "key staff" deal wasn't doing much for me. I was asked to stay each time after practice, and all it was, was an extra 10 minutes of praise and flattery.
I'm just at a loss of what to think.
It seems like a trash job. I don't know anyone who would want to buy knives, especially in this economy.
I can not feel good about myself knowing that I might be advertising cutlery and kitchen products to my family and friends while knowing about the shape the economy is in.
I feel like this is precisely like cold-calling/door-to-door/telemarketing, only you're required to talk to your family and friends first. However, once that circle is broken, the "recommendations" list basically turns into a world of strangers you don't know who you have to try and sell knives to. It's telemarketing with a family-oriented start. Yes?
I need some guidance, here. Really.
Please share your experience with Vector Marketing/Cutco, especially if your input is excitingly fresh.
I need a Mac for college.
I need a pair of Marc Jacobs boots for the fall.
I need a new wardrobe for going out on my college weekends.
And I need money to put in the bank for security.
But I don't know if this is how I can appropriately earn it.
Enlighten me.
Question #17:
Rescued budgie - does anyone have any advice on how to care for a budgie under 3 months old?
I just got a rescue bird bought to me - he's a small, white, budgerigar, less than 3 months old. He's fledged, of course. A neighbour found him perched on the garden fence.When he was first put in the cage (I had a spare from years ago with my bigger bird) he dived straight into the seed and pigged out for over 2 hours. He then slept in the bowl for about half an hour, ate some more, drank a lot, and finally perched.
He's still perching now, but I'm not sure if he's feeling under the weather or not - I don't know him well enough yet to tell if he's out of sorts.
He's also leaning forward quite a bit in his normal sitting position. I'm not sure if this is a sign of exhaustion from so much flying yesterday, or if there is something else wrong. His crop looks very full (no wonder!) He also hasn't drunk or eaten today that I've seen, but he is beak-grinding, which in my bigger bird usually means happiness or sleepiness.
Is there anything else I can do to help him? I've already put water and food in his food bowls as well as on the cage floor. Should I be worried about the leaning or is this fairly normal behaviour for a tired, stuffed bird?
His nostrils, eyes and vent are all clear and he can be seen to be watching us and paying attention, he's just very still and quiet!
Question #18:
Are you at risk from suffering from cubital tunnel syndrome / cell phone elbow?
TUESDAY, June 2 - First came Nintendo thumb. Then, Guitar Hero wrist. Now, for the latest affliction of the wired age, it's cell phone elbow.Medically known as cubital tunnel syndrome, cell phone elbow is numbness, tingling and pain in the forearm and hand caused by compression of the ulnar nerve, which passes along the bony bump on the inside of the elbow.
One of the causes of pressure on the ulnar nerve? Too much gabbing, often brought on by those cell phone plans with unlimited minutes, experts say.
Prolonged flexing of the elbow, such as when you hold a cell phone to your ear while closing sales, talking to your mother or keeping tabs on your teens while you're at work, puts tension on the ulnar nerve. In susceptible people, holding the bent-elbow position for extended periods can lead to decreased blood flow, inflammation and compression of the nerve.
"Repetitive, sustained stretching of the nerve is like stepping on a garden hose," said Dr. Peter J. Evans, director of the Cleveland Clinic's Hand and Upper Extremity Center. "With the hose, you're blocking the flow of water. With the elbow, you're blocking the blood flow to the nerve, which causes it to misfire and short circuit."
The first symptoms patients often notice include numbness, tingling or aching in the forearm and hand, a pain similar to hitting your "funny bone." (The unpleasant sensation of hitting your "funny bone" is actually your ulnar nerve.)
As symptoms progress, they can include a loss of muscle strength, coordination and mobility that can make writing and typing difficult. In chronic, untreated cases, the ring finger and pinky can become clawed, Evans and colleagues note in a report in the May issue of the Cleveland Clinic Journal of Medicine.
Women get cubital tunnel syndrome more often than men -- and it's probably not because they talk more.
Although the precise reasons are unknown, women may be more susceptible due to hormonal fluctuations or their anatomy, Evans said.
And too much yakking isn't the only cause of cubital tunnel syndrome.
Other causes may include sleeping with the elbows bent and tucked up into the chest, sitting at a desk with the elbows flexed at an angle greater than 90 degrees and driving with your elbow propped on the window for extended periods, he said.
Edit: Bikers Bladder & DungLung?!!! Ha ha ha!
Edit: Kev!
Question #19:
the difference between giving medicine to a dog or a cat?
For you cat and dog lovers - this is a hoot!>
>
>
> > How To Give A Cat A Pill
> >
> >
> > 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left
> arm as if
> holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on
> either side of
> cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while
> > holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop
> pill into
> mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
> >
> > 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
> Cradle cat in
> left arm and repeat process.
> >
> > 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill
> away.
> >
> > 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left
> arm, holding
> rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push
> pill to
> back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a
> > count of ten.
> >
> > 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top
> of wardrobe.
> Call spouse from garden.
> >
> > 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between
> knees, hold front
> and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse
> > to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden
> ruler into
> mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat
> vigorously.
> >
> > 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill
> from foil wrap.
> Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully
> sweep
> shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one
> > side for gluing later.
> >
> > 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on
> cat with head
> just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking
> straw,
> force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
> >
> > 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to
> humans, drink 1
> beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's
> forearm and
> remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
> >
> > 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another
> pill. Open
> another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on
> neck, leave
> head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick
> pill down
> throat with elastic band.
> >
> > 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard
> door back on
> hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot,
> drink.
> > Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for
> date of last
> tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.
> Toss back
> another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from
> bedroom.
> >
> > 12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from
> across the
> road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while
> swerving to
> avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
> >
> > 13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear
> paws with garden
> twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find
> heavy-duty
> pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by
> large
> piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head
> vertically and
> pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
> >
> > 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive
> you to the
> emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers
> and forearm
> and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call
> > furniture shop on way home to order new table.
> >
> > 15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell
> and call local
> pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > How To Give A Dog A Pill
> >
> > 1. Wrap it in bacon.
> >
> > 2. Toss it in the air.
ok if you laughed please star..thanks!!
Question #20:
How to give your cat a pill .... hope you don't know it?
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in Bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
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